Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
