im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
