My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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