My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
