I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize