she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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