Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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