oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize