you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
zippers are such a cool invention
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
