she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
