I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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