Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am midnight drunk by noon
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
