Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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