a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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