It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
