I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
