I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
