I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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