PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
