I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize