Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
