Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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