you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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