that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
