my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize