so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
