I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Enjoy the penises
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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