If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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