I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
