I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
