I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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