If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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