My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize