The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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