Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
