I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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