my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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