i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
