i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
