So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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