bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
In America we eat man semen.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
