Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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