so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize