I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
