Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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