Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
