Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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