Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
