he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
