one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
