It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
