You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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