No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There was a lot of him and a little penis
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
