I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
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