Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize