He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
