there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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