i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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