Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
