you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
