I heard we made out
I accidentally burped into my bong.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
