somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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