Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize