when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
