She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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