We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
