I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I want to fling myself into the sun
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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