I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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