It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
