Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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