I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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