I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
