Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
