Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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