Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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