the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
