in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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