I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
whose ass print is on the piano?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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