I hate your face
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
