Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
