Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
