Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
