He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
