Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
