"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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